Thank you again, Professor Grandin.

I have been reading again. I dont' think I've been able to have time to finish a book since Jake was born, but lately I have motivation. I keep reading anything and everything I can find by Temple Grandin. I heard about her and listened to her interviews on NPR long before I we figured out that Jake was autistic, simply because I felt like she and I had a bit in common, both because I have had to work at being social and enduring idle chit-chat and sports talk, and because of the way that I work with animals by trying to learn their language, instead of trying to make them adapt to mine. I've always, in my 15 plus years working with animals, been irritated when my clients anthropromorphize dogs. It still irritates me, though I tolerate it because I know that it is socially acceptable.

Sometimes I think that that the fact that I've worked with animals my whole life may be helping me journey along as mother to Jake. I know that he doesn't think and feel like other people do, and, according to Prof. Grandin, he may think a lot more like an animal than most people. This is something that I've figured out to some extent on my own, although I was afraid to admit it. I was afraid to admit that using animal conditioning techniques when trying to teach Jake worked better sometimes than trying to teach him like a child with more advanced "human" social abilities. So.. I guess I have been very afraid to admit that sometimes I feel like I'm "training" Jake istead of "teaching" him. I get the feeling that his OT, Miss Cindy, may think that my attempt to be a crackpot behavioralist may have been to Jake's advantage. Yet, I'm on a quest to learn much much more.

Tonight when reading this interview on NPRs website, I had a realization. Well, actually it was more of a validation of something that I had already figured out to some extent. This quote from Prof. Grandin made so much sense to me:

"But the one subtle social cue I did pick up was tone of voice. And the interesting thing about the form of autism where kids mainly echo back what they hear is they often think the tone is the language rather than the words. They have to be taught that the words have meaning. "

When Jake wants to scold someone he says "Maxxx!" in the tone of voice used by a cartoon character from "Max and Ruby." Ruby is the big sister and often scolds Max, who is constantly getting into mischeif. She begins most of her scolding with a high pitched whiney "MAAAXX." When Jake is excited about something he will often exclaim "A clue, a clue!" I have decoded some of this echolalia by using the context of the situation, but having it expressed in so few words by Prof. Grandin has really made an impact on me. Jake is learning that the WORDS have meaning.. but I just have to keep in mind that he is going down a different path to get to the final destination of understanding.

Its hard for me to grasp that Jake has a disability that is not much different than being blind or deaf from birth. Its something that can be overcome, but probably the hardest thing for a child who is blind from birth to learn is that THEY are blind, everyone else can see, they're the different one, not the other way around. Prof. Grandin didn't realize that she thought differently than other people until well into adulthood. I can't imagine what it felt like.

One of my favorite people to read about since I was a child is Helen Keller. I never could get enough of reading her autobiography and I've probably watched "The Miracle Worker" in every possible media imaginable, including live theater. It always fascinated me how her soul could be trapped in a cage for so long, only to blossom and grow throughout her life. I find myself more interested these days in Anne Sullivan, Helen's teacher, because I need to be that person for Jake.