I make it a point not to respond directly to famous people in the media who try to talk about autism and seem to constantly fail miserably.. whether it be a politician or some celebrity. It really doesn't affect me much more than it does when one of my friends brushes off my concerns about Jake and says "Oh, he'll feel better once they get him on the right medication." or "Yeah, I'm sure its hard hearing that your child has 'mild' autism." It does upset me that those people have a platform and that their voices are louder than mine.
Before Jake was born I was really one of the nay-sayers of autism. I felt like kids around me were dropping like flies into that pigeonhole and being diagnosed. I was one of those people who would look at a 5 year old who's parents had told me he was autistic and say "I don't see anything wrong with him." I'm just as guilty as the people who I constantly bitch about. I was insensitive, but I THINK that I kept it inside of my head a little more. At least I hope so.
I'll give a direct example. A mother that belonged to one of my various groups told me that her then pre-teenager was autistic whom I had never met. She also had a 5 year old that attended many of our various group meetings and who wore a location device because he was prone to wandering. Having personal history with the mom, I had reason to believe that she was kinda nuts anyway, and watched her from a distance and also observed her youngest and felt like he didn't act much differently from any other children that age. You have to realize that I was also dealing with Jake's lack of motor skills at the same time, so seeing any child walking around and talking made me feel like they must be OK. In hindsight, I remember a party I had where this particular mom and her family were invited to my house to do some mural painting with the kids. She brought the "supposedly autistic" teenager and her then 6 year old little boy. The teen seemed "just fine" to me, although he was obnoxious and hyperactive like any other early teen. Again, in hindsight, there were a lot of things going on with that boy, but I chose to ignore that and opt for the easier answer and assume that she was just still a nut, and probably a bad parent, based on my knowledge of her past behavior (gotta love small towns).
But one thing that my mind brings to the surface and makes me repent all of those thoughts every time I see Jake smack himself in the face when faced with a decision is this. Her "normal acting though maybe a little nerdy" six year old came to me and asked for more paint. I was currently mixing and held up two bottles and said "yellow or blue?" Her 6 year old stared at me as if I'd asked him to stab himself in the eye, briefly smacked both of his hands across his cheeks, grabbed one of the bottles, and ran away. "Ok.. that was a little odd." I thought.
Now I see this exact same behavior in Jake every single day. When presented with a "would you like THIS or THIS?" question.. he becomes distraught, and will usually slap his own face or cover his eyes or ears. So there, I said it, I was one of those judgemental people. I didn't know, so I try not to blame others so much for their ignorance.
Another way that people tend to try to make me feel better, aside from telling me that Jake is fine, that "the doctors just like to diagnose everything these days" is to offer me a miracle cure. Again, from what I can tell (as my anger at the world dies down.. don't worry, it will soon rear its ugly head again, I am sure), most people are really really trying to do me a favor and trying to help. I can just give Jake a special diet or read some celebrity's book and he'll be cured. "My friend/someone I read about/my sister in law gave their child chelation therapy/stem cells/a special diet and now their kid has almost no signs of autism."
Despite my fear of vaccinations and additives in food and other possible environmental hazards that could be making our children sick, I am beginning to accept the fact that Jake has been different from other babies since very very early in his life, possibly since birth or very close to it. I am also beginning to accept that fact that there is no cure for being Jake. He will be the awesome person that he is, not neccesarily despite what I do.. because I need to work hard to help him NOW, but that he is who he is, regardless, and he will always be affected by his ASD. I think that he will always have hurdles to jump and mountains to climb, and that if I spend too much time looking for a "cure" then I will be wasting time. I just want to help him right now. My job is to find the right path and to take it.
P.S. The irreverent title is in reference to some of the latest media crap. I will honestly say that if a few spankings would have "cured" Jake of his autism.. then we would probably just suck it up and spank him. Thats all I have to say about that.
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