The day I realized that I could not deny Jake's symptoms any longer and also the day that I realized that he truly was autistic was the day I learned what stimming was. I learned, of all things, while browsing youtube. I had just read a page on PDD-NOS on the JanyaGirl Website. It was late at night and I had been reading and reading and finally it looked like I was on the right track. Being on the right track wasn't making me happy at all, and I had this awful sinking feeling in my stomach, a feeling I've become quite familiar with these past three years. I started typing things into youtube and came across several videos that showed children who exhibited symptoms similar to Jake's. Then I came across this video of a boy stimming. My whole body went numb. It stayed that way for several weeks. I knew then not only that Jake was definitely autistic, but that I had the proof I needed to convince Steve. Manny was a newborn and "overwhelmed" doesn't even begin to describe how I felt.
A few weeks later, after I had collected my thoughts, I showed my husband a collection of the videos that I had found. I think the effect on him was similar, but I was finally able to convince him that we needed to move forward with diagnosing Jake and getting him some help.
Jake stims daily and sometimes all day, and I know that I complain about it quite a bit, simply because it is annoying, worrisome, and a constant reminder that Jake has neurological issues. But, truth be told, he usually does it when he is tired, bored, overstimulated or basically has nothing else to do. Its hard to make people who only see him when he's out in the world, playing and having fun, understand how weird and scary these behaviors can be to a parent. Watching him do this makes me want to live inside of his head for just a little while and see how he views the world, and what makes him do these things. I am beginning to be able to spot objects and circumstances that I know will make him start stimming, and avoid them. I collected a few video clips and made a little movie so that you can see what Jake's stimming looks like. Different kids do different things, and this is only an example of a few of Jake's many stereotyped behaviors.
I don't know what other people feel when they watch those videos. Pity? Fright? Maybe they say "I don't get it.. he's doing what? He looks fine to me." But it doesn't bother me a whole lot to watch the videos, since I see him do it every single day. Just like I said at the beginning of the video, its important for you to know that the stimming isn't everything that there is to my boy. There's so much more.
Today his note from his teacher sums up a lot of who Jake really is:
"I believe he is the happiest child that has ever come to my class! The friendliest too. He smiles at and talks to everyone here. Today he made a leaf book, worked on puzzles, played a shape and color game on the computer, and played with some student helpers from the middle school He had a great morning - lots of words. -KH"
You just can't know how proud that makes me. Jake really is a happy kid who loves life and so many things about it.
I have have been trying to teach Jake to be polite in many places and teaching him the appropriate times to say Please and Thank you and other niceties. Almost every time I have to prompt him either with sign language or by saying "Jake, say 'thank you.'" or "Jake.. please say 'I'm sorry." It was a big accomplishment for him to ever respond to the command "Say....." and it has been about a year since I started working on this. Today before he left the lunch table he said "All done. Thank you Mommy." without being prompted at all. My little boy is learning to be polite.
Polite, kind, nice, and happy. These are really the basics of a successful life as far as I am concerned. I am so proud of my son I can't stand it. He has worked hard.
