Anyone who knows me knows that I'm really open to talking about Jake's issues. Being so open and talking about it a lot has opened up a lot of doors for me. I guess I wear my heart on my sleeve a bit, but besides being constantly amazed by the crazy things people say, I get lots of information this way too. Most recently I was speaking to a member of my community about Jake and mentioned how sign language has helped him. "Oh, you can't make it easy for him, he has to learn to talk!" she said. I find that it is an extremely common misconception that teaching a child sign language will delay their regular speech. In reality exactly the opposite is true. Hearing children and deaf children alike will mimic the person they learn from, and as long as the person teaching the signs speaks, so will the child who is learning. Jake says every single word aloud when he signs, and it has caused absolutely amazing jumps in his vocabulary, his understanding of what is said to him, his use and understanding of facial expressions, and his social skills. It has also almost eliminated transition tantrums and helps him tell us how he feels when he is sad or angry. In other words, Signing Time videos have been nothing short of an ongoing miracle in this house.
Want to hear some example stories??
Jake masters the signing time videos pretty quickly. I'd say within a few days he masters a whole episode. He has nine volumes, and just seems to have a massive signing vocabulary, inlcuding "feeling" words, animals, foods, letters and all of the colors. Its hard for me to keep up sometimes, but luckily each video has a handy signing review for parents at the end of each tape that goes over all of the signs learned in quick succession. That feature came in handy one day when Jake stood in the kitching saying "want red!" and making a sign I didn't know yet. He kept saying it "Want red!" and signing. I went to his room and checked out the signing review for the newest tape, and realized he was signing "Bread." He wanted some homemade bread that I had made that day! I don't think that Jake has a lot of issues with his actualy diction, just well, he's 3 and sometimes he's hard to understand.
Another example happened today at the zoo. Jake was already in break-down mode when we were about to leave because he'd gotten his hands in some thorny bushes, but when we got to the car it got even worse. He kept saying "ride car!" and I kept consoling him "We're going to go ride car soon, let me nurse the baby." etc. Jake usually cheers up instantly once the car is moving, but halfway home he was still sobbing and saying "Ride car!" and signing car. I just kept saying "yes! we're riding in the car darling. He would just cry harder. Finally I looked in the rearview mirror to see that he was touching his lips with his index finger before signing "car". It finally came to me! The index finger to the lips is the sign for "red." He was saying "RED car" not "Ride Car." Last Friday we traded my bright red Jeep in for a silver minivan. Jake wanted to ask about the red car. I explained to him that the red car had gone bye bye, we'd sold it, taken the money and bought the new big silver car. "Red car Bye bye, Jake." He stopped crying instantly. He just wanted to ask.
Can you imagine wanting to ask something so simple and not having the words to do it? Imagine an adult asking "Jessi, what happened to your red Jeep?" And I kept saying "We are riding in the car." Even an adult would get angry and frustrated, don't you think?
I feel that its so important to listen to our kids, and to speak to them with respect. I feel so fortunate that I have even a tiny bit of understanding as to why Jake breaks down the way he does. I try so hard to speak to him respectfully and not lose my temper. Every morning when I get up I tell myself that I can't yell or scream, or I won't have a good day. When I have lost my temper and yelled at Jake, I am rewarded with several hours of inconsoleable crying. Sometimes he gets frustrated and breaks down anyway, but no amount of yelling would make that better. I simply try to tell him that I am sorry he's frustrated, and that I am there for him. Its not important whether or not I'm embarrased because he's laying on the pavement in front of the entire mom's group. Those feelings aren't really as important right now as figuring out why Jake is losing it, or simply removing him from the situation so he can feel better.
It simply breaks my heart to see parents berating and belittling their children and speaking to them in ways that no person should speak to another. We have to understand that every word that we say to our kids has an impact on them that will last for the rest of their lives. I've recently witnessed a woman hitting her child for not walking with her, after I'd had a conversation with her where she told me that her child had social delays. Some of her wording was "He's just terrible, he's always being bad." and then she was smacking him for not following the sidewalk. I don't want to judge her for her ignorance, but I wonder what Jake would be like if I gave in to my own frustration and the occasional temptation to scream "Can't you just be normal!". Children deserve respect and dignity and need to be understood, not controlled. When you act in kind ways to your spouse or your friend, try extra hard to understand them, and work hard at the relationship, you get what you need for yourself out of the relationship. It works with children too :-)
