Update

Well.. I haven't blogged in a while. Maybe I've had less to rant about this month(unless you count the fact that a nasty virus has run through our family yet a third time in 6 weeks, but I'm kind of getting used to cleaning up puke).

Jake has yet again begun to make giant leaps with his language and social skills as well as his physical abilities. Lacy comes and spends three mornings per week at our house, when everyone is well, and brings her little guy Maddox who is only one month older than Jake. Lacy has tons of energy and plays with the boys all morning. After lunch they all watch a movie while Manny naps. I've noticed Jake modeling Maddox's behavior a bit for example: sitting and looking at a book while the movie plays instead of laying on his back with his feet on something. Stimming has really reduced in frequency and intensity since we started doing floortime, almost to the point that, when he does it, I know that he is just tired and it isn't so much of an issue anymore.

I have decided that Disney's Toy Story and the sequal must be the best movies in the world to show a 3 year old (almost four, how did that happen?) autistic child. Its a pretty good movie if you're an adult too. I think that it adds an element of magic to the idea of toys, and inside the movie the children are constantly modeling pretend play. Since getting Jake his Buzz doll, he constantly pretends... and not just mimicing the movie, but deciding that Buzz is hungry and such. Yesterday he got a Woody doll as well, and Buzz and Woody have some interesting conversations. I have systematically removed almost all of the noise-making electronic toys from the house (yeah, I know, Buzz and Woody say three phrases each, but thats different). When Jake wants to withdraw he will grab something that he can do by himself, like a talking book toy. Its funny when I think about how parents of typical children (and me too, in the past) look for toys that will keep their children occupied by themselves... and how I look for the opposite. Instead of video games and leap frog stuff we have a ball pit and a swing. Lately I remind Jake's friends and family: "My kids need PEOPLE to play with not THINGS to play with."

No matter what is helping Jake the most these days; School, Lacy, OT, it is really nice to see such vast improvement. Yesterday we had the best OT session, in my opinion, that we've had so far. Although Jake is still going from one thing to another fairly quickly, Cindy was able to have a very long interaction with him and his brother sitting at the table and pretending to eat foods that were pictured on cards. When given a card with popcorn Jake says "Popcorn machine my home," telling Cindy that he has an air popper at home that we use almost every night. He is improving his ability to talk about and sequence events. He still does it in an odd way, and every sentence lilts up like a question. For instance, after OT yesterday he says "Fun go see Cindy? Fun swing? Fun table picnic? Clean up?? ALL DONE!" In this way I can actually gain some insight as to what goes on during his school day. Granted, the teachers send me a little note every day, but it can be scary to a parent of a verbally delayed child to send them off every day and get absolutely no feedback from the horses mouth. When Jake gets off the bus, he will say "Fun school day? Fun puzzles? Play computer.. Fun.. snack time?" It really makes my heart soar. He also has a funny attitude lately, and at lunch time yesterday at a pizza restaurant he pulled on my shoulder to get my attention, and said, very matter of factly "We need some Pizza!"



Physically Jake is getting stronger and gaining more muscle tone and motor control. He still falls a lot but he falls less. He's able to do tasks such as taking off his socks and going up and down stairs more efficiently. The other day we went to an inflateable playground place because a group of moms who I like were going there. I was very apprehensive since we had had a bad experience with one of those places about 18 months ago that had caused Jake to be terrified of inflateables in any situation (such as a craft fair or something). Much to my delight he loved even the biggest slides. I honestly didn't think that he could PHYSICALLY climb the big ones, but well, here's the video to prove it. Watching it myself, it doesn't even look like my child doing that.



At the bottom he says "I'm swimmin!" He was pretending to be sliding into a pool. I think once that Jake realized how pretending worked, and that anything can be anything that he wants, it has really brought a lot of joy into his life.

Meanwhile, Manny is still growing and is beginning to walk and take a few tentative steps, although he still seems well behind other children his age on most things. But I am hopeful because otherwise things seem to be developing at least in the right sequence for him. Yesterday after OT we went to the creative discovery museum and spent most of the rest of the day. Outings are getting a big easier and harder at the same time. Easier because Jake's social skills are developing to a point that he is a bit easier to "control" and he tantrums much less, usually only during the normal tantruming times, like leaving a fun activity but I rarely have to carry him out lately, he just screams while he walks. Harder because I have two very mobile boys with completely opposite interests. I literally need eyes in the back of my head (and an extra me sometimes). These days I am exhausted, but hopeful.



****Pics: top: The scar on Jake's chin is from a nasty dog scratch. Sweet Bree stepped on his face while he was laying down on the floor. It was an accident. Last pic: The look on Manny's face pretty much sums up his attitude these days

Why am I still Angry?

Something has been bothering me since the family gathering with my parents and my father's side of the family. I keep trying to chalk it up to my own ability to be ultra-sensitive sometimes, but I'm having trouble getting it out of my mind. Usually this side of the family, which includes Mamaw and Papaw, is a more low-key celebration, and this year was no exception. As usual everyone was sweet and gracious when gift opening began, and it was a fun day, especially for the kids. Jake was in great spirits and showed no signs of freaking out even though he was the center of attention, which can sometimes send him to another room to be alone. So what bothered me so much?

One of my relatives asked me about Jake's reading because Jake was spontaneously spelling words and reading things here and there. I began to explain about hyperlexia, and about how Jake has a preoccupation with letters and numbers. This immediatly led to a "Well see there, he's smart! there's nothing wrong." comment from another relative. I'm used to that and went on to explain that sometimes people with learning disabilities can read at advanced levels, however they still have issues actually understanding what they read, etc. I was very very suprised to notice that everyone was actually listening to me. But then....

"Well that sounds like me! *har har har* I can't understand a thing I read either.. "
"I must have a learning disability too * har har har * cause I read and read and I'm still stupid."
"I reckon I've got that problem too... ha ha... "
and so on...

Suddenly everyone was laughing and giggling. I wanted to jump up and scream. I said something snide like "Thats really making light of something that is very serious to us." I really should know better, however, as much as I realize that it makes my family extremely uncomfortable that they have a "retarded" grandson/cousin/nephew, I just feel like I should just keep trying to educate, since I've totally given up on seeking these people as a source of support. I try not to let this incident bother me, but to be literally laughed out of the room when discussing my son's disability, something that is a constant source of heartbreaking challenges, self-doubt, and sometimes amazing miracles is just too much for me to keep inside. I'm over-sensitive, I'm aware of it, but somehow this particular holiday exchange made me glad that we were celebrating Solstice instead of Christmas with people who are accepting and compassionate.

I love talking about Jake's issues, sometimes pointing out particular small things to people that I am around that they may have not noticed otherwise. Some things that he does are so fascinating and amazing. There are so many misconceptions about autism spectrum disorders and I find that many people are just as fascinated and even (at least seem to) enjoy finding out more. The word "autism" is all over the media, yet very very few people know what it means and many are happy to discuss it more and learn what all the fuss is about.

I worry a lot that I am boring people or making them uncomfortable with my constant prattle. We were recently visited by my husband's cousin and her husband. They are young newlyweds and I found myself talking about Jake and autism quite a bit with them. During one conversation with the young husband I was mentioning the difficulties I had convincing Jake's Dad, my family, friends, and even Jake's doctor that I was sure that something was wrong. He said something like, "You have convinced me to take at least one early childhood development class when I go back to school before we have children so that I can recognize issues if they come up."

Wow, really? So my yapping, no matter how uncomfortable it makes my family, really is totally worth it. Educating one one-day dad makes it all worthwhile. Happy Honeymooning, you two.

Late Holiday Update

I haven't blogged in a while, and I would love for this blog post to be a positive one. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that it will be. All in all, we were able to weather the holidays pretty well.

This blog is about Jake, however it is also about my entire family, so other details always creep in. We've been very very sick and very very busy, so when giving the run-down of what Jake, and the rest of us, have been experiencing these past few weeks since the Holidays, it may not be the most uplifting reading, but I will try.


Because we were traveling to Macon to stay with friends on Christmas, we decided to have "Santa" on Christmas Eve morning. The boys got a toy each and handmade pants from Mom and ID bracelets along with sweet treats and chocolate. Jake was absolutely stunned to receive a Buzz Lightyear doll. Jake loves TV and books and develops great fondness for his favorite characters. However, the first feature length movie that he's ever taken an interest in has been Toy Story. Steve convinced me to get him a Buzz Lightyear action figure for Christmas but I was skeptical about his possible reaction. When opening the package he saw a picture of Buzz on the back of the box (Jake loves to handle and hold video packages or pictures of his favorite characters.. but I guess he's never really met any of them in real life, as he was about to do), and exclaimed "Buzz!" and looked quite happy to know that he was about to open a Buzz related gift. His stunned to silence reaction when he saw the toy is best seen in this video:





After we opened presents we packed luggage, kids, dogs and a turkey that Steve smoked earler that morning into the car and headed for Macon to stay with Kevin and Ariane, our good friends. We had pretty much invited ourselves to their home for Christmas and we were seeking solace from the rigors of a high-pressure family gathering. It was wonderful to be there in their peaceful home and they were amazing enough to share their space and family traditions with us. Even though we'd invited ourselves down for Christmas eve night, they asked us to extend our stay to Christmas night and we were planning on an evening of revelry when disaster struck.

Just as dinner was starting Manny started vomiting. He was sick a few times within that hour and a quick decision was made to take the kiddies back home despite the three hour drive. It was a good decision.

Manny was sick for 6 days and lost a lot of weight. I got sick on Sunday and was sick for a week (I lost a little weight, but its not so much of an issue with me). Jake got sick soon and was throwing up violently until New years. It just wasn't a great holiday for us. I mean.. it was.. but .. well.....

Now, after a week to recover, I am looking forward to OT with Cindy tomorrow and the arrival of OUR NEW NANNY! Yay! I posted an ad on craigslist and after talking to a few prospects decided to hire a sweet lady named Lacy. She is a darling and has already been here one day. After a rocky start she played happily with the boys and wore them out. She's going to come 3 mornings per week and I will groom dogs two days and sew in what is left of the time so that I can hopefully afford to pay her a little better than the small amount that I was able to offer up-front. I am VERY happy about this development.

More about the holidays and specific events later, but this is my best attempt at an update.

Merry Christmas George

Today was our family gathering for Christmas at my mothers house for breakfast. Jake was in a particularly good mood, very social and VERY loud. Everything he said had to be screamed, but at least he didn't hide in the next room like he can do sometimes with groups of people. Jake has finally figured out the concept of "opening presents" and was excited to do so.



My aunt Carol definitely gets the prize for best presents this year, even if we had to do a little trading out. For Jake there was a Fishing Puzzle with Fishing Pole just like one that Cindy uses at OT. Also Curious George at the Aquarium book which Jake instantly asked Steve to read, then me. Jake loves George AND the Aquarium. Jake also got a plush clown fish puppet, however he wasn't really interested in that. Manny got some wonderful pajamas (he really needed some) and a Curious George stuffed toy. Hmm... can you guess what Jake's favorite present was? You guessed it: the George monkey meant for Manny (don't worry, Aunt Carol, the fish puppet made a great trade and makes Manny laugh and giggle).

I guess it might not be such a big deal about George the monkey, however, unlike typical children, Jake has never formed an attachment to many "appropriate" toys. His attachments are less socially acceptable and are to things like stopsigns and spatulas. Children practice appropriate social behaviors with toys like dolls and stuffed animals and that is why pretend play is so important. Jake has rarely if ever hugged a doll, made a toy dog run across the room going "woof woof" and actually only recently has played with cars or trains other than to spin the wheels or flip open moving parts.

George monkey had to ride home in Jake's lap on the way home, and was missed when we left him in the car. He was presented to me to give a kiss. Daddy was asked to make a portriat of Jake, George and me. Then it was neccessary to dress George in pajamas (two different sets, as the first one wasn't quite right), and then George was put to bed and covered with a blanket.




We never know when these little miracles might happen, or where they come from. I just hope that the Buzz Lightyear doll that we got for Jake doesn't thwart George monkey out of the limelight just like he did Woody in "A Toy Story" (Jake's current favorite film, and a possible catalyst to his recent interest in playing with toys in a more normal way).




Jake and Manny also received two different leapfrog games from my Mom. The one for Jake is still a little old for him (as is the V-smile I got for him a year ago), but both children are loving the reading turtle that Mom got for Manny. I'll have plenty of video games put away for when either child asks for a system.

It was a nice Christmas celebration and it even fell on the Solstice. Thanks family.

Three days after solstice we will be leaving for South Georgia to stay with friends who have similar ideals and holiday practices to our own. I think it may just be one of the best winter holidays ever.

A breakthrough or two

I've expressed my frustration with Jake's pinching and such quite a bit here, but let me describe it a little more, just to give a good picture. I call it "pinching" but it was way beyond that. If I got a hug from Jake he would dig his fingers hard into my ribs. He would often run up and grab my arm and dig his fingers into me and sniff or lick my arm. If he was on the floor he might rake his fingers across the top of my foot. While riding in the shopping cart, if he becomes impatient, he might scratch the tops of my hands until they bled. While holding hands he would screw his forefinger and thumb around so that he could pinch the littlest bit of skin on my palm (if Dad and I were walking side by side holding his hands, he would only do it to my hand, not Dads). If he became frustrated with blocks he would run over and dig all of his nails into my upper arm and rake them downward.. even if I was at the computer and not involved in his game. As I've said before, he was doing this maybe 20-30 times in a 10 minute period (thats every 20 or 30 seconds or so) if we were playing together or working closely on a task. If he was playing alone and I was working, he would "only" do it every 4 or 5 minutes. He seemed to be "sneaky" about it, and sometimes I would yell out and Steve.. standing right there, would have no idea what had just happened, as Jake would slip his hands behind me or under my legs if I were sitting, or ask for a "hug" then sneak attack with his digging fingernails.

It was maddening. I had tried to do things suggested by his therapist, but had pretty much resorted to slapping his hands, yelling "no" and "stop it." The more I tried to make him stop, the worse it would become. I was avoiding playing with him. When he would come towards me for a hug I would turn my back. If he ran at me while I was standing, I would put my knee out so that he ran into it with his chest. He would still "get me" but my jeans would get the worst of it. I was at a total loss as to what to do. I tried to ask Dr. Dunbar about it, but never really got that far.

So, yesterday, I was playing on Jake's bed with both boys. I was using some of the play tactics that we learned from Dr. Dunbar and having just an amazing time. Following Jake in his various vocalizations. Trying to "take part" in everything he said or did, even if it seemed meaningless or if it were stimming behavior. I didn't try to do an activity at all, we were just sitting on the bunkbed and I was jabbering like an idiot and being loud and overly expressive over every single word he said. He was laughing and giving me constant feedback and eye contact, yet was still going after me with his hands, mouth, feet and I was THIS close to getting frustrating and ending this wonderful interaction we were having before I lost my temper. Suddenly he grabbed my arm with both pinchy digging fingers, shoved his nose hard into my arm and sniffed loudly.

I did it back.. I grabbed his arm, dug my fingers in with matched ferocity and sniffed his arm.

He was very perplexed. Seconds later he dug his fingernails into the backs of my hands and scratched. I did it back. He actually paused, gave me good eye contact and a very unusual look. For the next half hour, every time he dug his fingers into the back of my knee, my ribcage, my crotch, I did the exact same thing back, trying to match the location and intensisty the best that I could. Some of it he didn't like. Sometimes he modeled me and said "STop it! stop pinching me." and sometimes he giggled if it were a really tickly spot, but he didn't seem to like it at all, and his reaction was very unusual.

Near the end of the playtime we were laying down next to each other pretending "sleep." I was tired of over-acting and my ability to smile constantly was coming to an end. Jake was doing his sweet, yet painful activity of digging his pinchy fingers into my mouth and cheeks and trying to get me to smile. I was doing it back with equally pinchy and pokey fingers. He was laughing, but somewhat uncomfortably. Something inside of that amazing brain of his was turning in a new way.

He's stopped doing it... almost completely. He touches me appropriatly. He still seems to have the need to touch me, but it is more pats and gently rubbing, not awful pinching. I cried real tears of joy later in the evening.

What made him stop? I have no idea. Did he think that I wasn't feeling anything when he did it? Did he think that I was yelling and acting nuts for no reason? Did he not even notice or know that he was doing it? I have no idea, but I just pray that it keeps working.

So.. in the last two days I am learning how to play with my child for the first time, and really enjoying because I am no longer under physical attack. Praise the universe.

Our visit with Dr. Deborah Dunbar, Ph.D.

This morning the house was awake at 5:15 AM, as usual. Manny woke up for a spell, which awakened Jake... Manny would have gone back to sleep only his brother was up and ready to rock. Steve was kind enough to stay up with the kids while I went back to bed. Steve usually falls asleep earlier than I do, while I stay up late working on my business and otherwise winding down. So, in this way we've managed to develop a lifestyle that keeps us from going completely insane with kids who get up long before we would like them to. It also pretty much keeps us from having any quality one on one (cough*phsycial) time together, unless we try really hard (which we do when we can).

We left for Atlanta at 10 AM, stopped for a quick fast food lunch and arrived at Dr. Dunbar's office just on time.

Dr. Dunbar greeted us personally in the waiting room. The first thing she told us was to just play with Jake in our normal way while she watched. Oh my, I feel the most inadequate when I try to play with Jake, I honestly just don't know how. Manny was making too much noise for her to hear Jake's voice, and, as usual with any appointment that is "for Jake" Manny gets the crap end of the stick because he can just be in the way. Steve took him out for a little while and Dr. Dunbar and I continued the assessment. Later on, I was able to put Manny in the SSC on my back and he hung out happily while Steve and I could both glean the benifits of the visit.

Dr. Dunbar gave us so much to think about. She showed us many ways to play with Jake that will eventually overcome his lack of engagement. She told us not to worry about his speech, as she feels that his speech is just fine and that his ability to label, his reading, writing, numbers, and other skills will always be there, and that we can always be proud of those. However we need focus on teaching him to engage others. He is only learning scripted language. The "real" language will come once he learns to engage a variety of people in a variety of situations.

There are 100 questions that I'd like to ask any expert with as much experience as Dr Dunbar for instance: will he ever potty train?, why is he pinching me?, what will he be like when he's older? Will he be able to live on his own without me? However, after we'd spent a lot of time playing and talking, Dr. Dunbar said "I have about 15-20 minutes, please tell me what you wish to accomplish with this visit and we will concentrate on that." We were made to realize that our very expensive therapy time was coming to an end. Lets cut to the chase.

I, as usual, choked back tears and asked "Please tell us how to play with our kid." I explained that I have been told that I must "engage" Jake for many many hours out of the day yet, I have no idea how to do that. Dr. Dunbar had already shown us examples of different approaches, and we were blown away. We were truly given some powerful tools today.

She went on to express (just like Cindy and other people who have worked with Jake have done) that we need to recruit other family members, friends, neighborhood teenagers, anybody on earth that can come and engage Jake besides us. She mentioned examples of funny and fun grandparents, cousins, uncles or other family members that might bring him special joy. I saw true dismay on Steve's face during this part of her assessment. Dr. Dunbar points out that, even though we do as much as we can, Jake must be exposed to different people in different situations on a ONE-ON-ONE basis. Something has to be done so that Jake has a variety of people in his everyday life. Not just his family here at home, and his teachers at school.

This evening I began putting out advertisements on craigslist and other forums for a part-time Nanny or babysitter. It would be worth the financial strain to get Jake the socialization that he needs. We are also hoping for Steve's parents to sell their house out-of-state and move here very soon. We have discussed our needs with Steve's mother and she seems to be on board to help us. Hopefully they can beat the market and sell their home. Jake seemed to benifit so much from her last visit. He truly has a connection with her even though she lives so far away.

All in all it was a wonderful day. After the visit with Dr. Dunbar we went to the Dekalb airport and watched the small planes take off and played on the playground. Everybody (including me) slept in the car while Steve drove back to Dalton. We went to the local sushi restaurant where both kids ate like crazy. Jake even uses his (kid adjusted) chopsticks like a pro and pigged out on seaweed salad, tempura shrimp and sweet potatoes. Both came home worn out and went to sleep.

We have a lot to think about. Steve seems to be absolutely thrilled with the knowledge that he gained today. I am equally thrilled to feel "on the same page" as my husband. I look forward to Jake's OT with Cindy as well as another visit with Dr. Dunbar in a few months.

P.S concerning Manny: Dr. Dunbar, though trying to "ignore" Manny because the session was "for Jake" kept using Manny's appropriate behavior as an example. That makes us feel very good about Manny's development. Between that and Manny's recent check-up with Dr. Michaels...I have decided not to worry so much about Manny's development as I have been (yeah right, easier blogged than done).

Thanksgiving

We have a lot to be thankful for, especially the fact that we survived Thanksgiving. Steve and the boys were sick with a cold earlier in the week but seemed to be recovering. I came down with the cold on Wednesday morning and felt really crappy Thursday morning. I just had a bad feeling about Thanksgiving lunch with my family and called my mom to let her know that we weren't coming. My mommy gut instinct was dead on, because Jake started vomiting around noon. Manny fell sick later that evening. We had a scare with Manny passing a white stool (sign of liver distress) and I ended up calling T.C. Thompsons triage nurse to get some reassurance that I needn't rush him right in.

Friday was just more of the same.. puking, pooping, whining, and Mommy and Daddy feeling OK, so we ate the food that we had cooked and some that was brought to us by my Dad from the big Thanksgiving dinner. Friday afternoon the weather was nice, so Manny was allowed the treat of playing on the back porch while Mom and Dad watched and Jake slept. Manny's back was to us, so we didn't know what he was so interested in, a leaf or a stick? But no, it was a red wasp, warmed up from the sun, and the stupid thing stung him right on his index finger. After a dose of benadryl and a couple of hours of me hovering absolutely terrified that he'd have a reaction (my father and I are allergic to different degrees) he recovered and slept off the benadryl.

Today we packed up a still-somewhat-lethargic Manny, and an absolutely stir-crazy Jake and headed to St. Elmo for a quick run through at a small craft fair, then we headed to Greenlife Grocery to buy some yummies for dinner. Jake and Manny munched on a piece of pizza on the way home. I was just glad that they were finally eating.

Jake's days lately have been quite interesting. When he was sick he was quiet and cuddly, and when he had bouts of feeling well he has pinched and scratched me to the point of distraction. For some reason he needs "sensory input" (Cindy's words) and to get that he has to constantly touch, pinch, scratch and otherwise dig his fingers into my flesh. Cindy taught me to get his arms and shake or give firm "input" before he can dig at me to help control this, but it has backfired. Now he comes at me at different angles, digging into my calves, my buttocks, the tops of my feet if he is sitting on the floor. I have counted him doing this 20 or 30 times in a 10 minute period. If I sit or lay on the floor he throws his entire body at me. Cindy says that he does it to "regulate himself." I just really don't know what that means. But I do know that he seems to need to torture me in order to feel OK inside of his body. We also swing him, bounce him on a ball, throw him on the couch, built a ball-pit for him to roll around in and have otherwise tried to create "sensory input" therapy for him at home, with very limited success.

This weekend I made him a big batch of playdough to give him something else to pinch. It may have helped some, I really can't tell. I sit here and type, and he has been asleep for a few hours, and I can still feel the places where his nails have bitten into the tops of my hands. He also grabs my fingers and bends them back, something not so pleasant to someone with a bit of carpal tunnel from sewing/grooming/typing. I was very displeased this week when I remembered that Jake had no OT with Cindy. I want to beg her to help me with a way to MAKE HIM STOP this behaviour, yet, I have a feeling that I will be disappointed when she starts vaguely referring to a "sensory diet" and (being the truly sweet and understanding person that she is) offering her sympathy at my situation. I just want him to quit pinching me, and I sometimes just can't constrain myself and end up slapping at his hands all day and yelling at him to "STOP IT!"

Jake is such a sweet and loving little dude, and when I yell at him and slap at his hands he looks so hurt and whines and echos back "stooopp! stooop it!" and "no hurt the mommy." "mommy hug" and other things that otherwise make my heart ache. I want so bad to break into that head of his, but I just can't. I try to act hurt and "cry" when he hurts me.. hell, sometimes I DO cry, but usually only after losing my temper. The things he does that physically hurt me seem almost to be like an addiction or a drug to him. He used to grab and pull and hurt other people and children, grab strange adults and touch them inappropriately, and I thought it was a miracle when he finally stopped doing this as much. His teachers notice none of the behavior that I describe, and according to Mrs. K. he never scratches or pulls on anyone. All of that extra "regulating" energy is now focused on me. Steve even says that he experiences very little of it, but can see it as Jake pokes and scratches me. Part of me just feels like I should be grateful and accept the abuse as a blessing that I no longer have to constantly apologize or get kicked out of playgroups, but my own dislike of being touched outside of my comfort area is hard to ignore.

In case this post isn't long enough, I want to talk about Manny for just a moment. At 15 months he shows no signs of walking, has low muscle tone that seemed to appear all of the sudden over the past 2 months, and I am not sure that he is meeting his milestones. This past weekend, granted, he was sick, but he has also taken a liking to laying on his back and looking at objects (a la Jake) and though he has a word or two and more socially appropriate behavior than Jake did at the same age, I have noticed some skills that have appeared then disappeared. Jake had issues from a very early age and did not meet any milestones on time that I can remember and I do not believe that Jake has or had "regressive" type autism, from what I have been reading and researching. However, how can a mom of a child like Jake not be aware of the possibility that her second son may well regress? In all honesty, I believe that Manny will show more and more sensory issues as the next few months unfold. I write this now only becuase I WILL NOT go through being told that he "is fine, don't worry about it" again, when my gut says otherwise. I will be the happiest mommy alive if I am wrong. I WANT to be wrong. But I also want to get the right care as soon as possible if Manny needs it.

I didn't make a post on Thanksgiving day because I was too busy doing pukey laundry, but I want say that:

I am thankful for my husband, Steve, who came into my life at the exact perfect time and made me realize that Love wasn't a force to be reckoned with, it was just something that happens when its true.

I am thankful that my children are physically healthy and can smile and play and that they too know what love is, even if they don't say it out loud a lot.

I am thankful that we have good food, a house, cars that run well, places to go to have fun and friends to share with.

I am thankful for the internet for helping me gain knowledge that will help my family cope with whatever situations are thrown our way, have friendships that would not otherwise happen, and to keep up with family who would otherwise be remote and unreachable.