I've expressed my frustration with Jake's pinching and such quite a bit here, but let me describe it a little more, just to give a good picture. I call it "pinching" but it was way beyond that. If I got a hug from Jake he would dig his fingers hard into my ribs. He would often run up and grab my arm and dig his fingers into me and sniff or lick my arm. If he was on the floor he might rake his fingers across the top of my foot. While riding in the shopping cart, if he becomes impatient, he might scratch the tops of my hands until they bled. While holding hands he would screw his forefinger and thumb around so that he could pinch the littlest bit of skin on my palm (if Dad and I were walking side by side holding his hands, he would only do it to my hand, not Dads). If he became frustrated with blocks he would run over and dig all of his nails into my upper arm and rake them downward.. even if I was at the computer and not involved in his game. As I've said before, he was doing this maybe 20-30 times in a 10 minute period (thats every 20 or 30 seconds or so) if we were playing together or working closely on a task. If he was playing alone and I was working, he would "only" do it every 4 or 5 minutes. He seemed to be "sneaky" about it, and sometimes I would yell out and Steve.. standing right there, would have no idea what had just happened, as Jake would slip his hands behind me or under my legs if I were sitting, or ask for a "hug" then sneak attack with his digging fingernails.
It was maddening. I had tried to do things suggested by his therapist, but had pretty much resorted to slapping his hands, yelling "no" and "stop it." The more I tried to make him stop, the worse it would become. I was avoiding playing with him. When he would come towards me for a hug I would turn my back. If he ran at me while I was standing, I would put my knee out so that he ran into it with his chest. He would still "get me" but my jeans would get the worst of it. I was at a total loss as to what to do. I tried to ask Dr. Dunbar about it, but never really got that far.
So, yesterday, I was playing on Jake's bed with both boys. I was using some of the play tactics that we learned from Dr. Dunbar and having just an amazing time. Following Jake in his various vocalizations. Trying to "take part" in everything he said or did, even if it seemed meaningless or if it were stimming behavior. I didn't try to do an activity at all, we were just sitting on the bunkbed and I was jabbering like an idiot and being loud and overly expressive over every single word he said. He was laughing and giving me constant feedback and eye contact, yet was still going after me with his hands, mouth, feet and I was THIS close to getting frustrating and ending this wonderful interaction we were having before I lost my temper. Suddenly he grabbed my arm with both pinchy digging fingers, shoved his nose hard into my arm and sniffed loudly.
I did it back.. I grabbed his arm, dug my fingers in with matched ferocity and sniffed his arm.
He was very perplexed. Seconds later he dug his fingernails into the backs of my hands and scratched. I did it back. He actually paused, gave me good eye contact and a very unusual look. For the next half hour, every time he dug his fingers into the back of my knee, my ribcage, my crotch, I did the exact same thing back, trying to match the location and intensisty the best that I could. Some of it he didn't like. Sometimes he modeled me and said "STop it! stop pinching me." and sometimes he giggled if it were a really tickly spot, but he didn't seem to like it at all, and his reaction was very unusual.
Near the end of the playtime we were laying down next to each other pretending "sleep." I was tired of over-acting and my ability to smile constantly was coming to an end. Jake was doing his sweet, yet painful activity of digging his pinchy fingers into my mouth and cheeks and trying to get me to smile. I was doing it back with equally pinchy and pokey fingers. He was laughing, but somewhat uncomfortably. Something inside of that amazing brain of his was turning in a new way.
He's stopped doing it... almost completely. He touches me appropriatly. He still seems to have the need to touch me, but it is more pats and gently rubbing, not awful pinching. I cried real tears of joy later in the evening.
What made him stop? I have no idea. Did he think that I wasn't feeling anything when he did it? Did he think that I was yelling and acting nuts for no reason? Did he not even notice or know that he was doing it? I have no idea, but I just pray that it keeps working.
So.. in the last two days I am learning how to play with my child for the first time, and really enjoying because I am no longer under physical attack. Praise the universe.
