This morning the house was awake at 5:15 AM, as usual. Manny woke up for a spell, which awakened Jake... Manny would have gone back to sleep only his brother was up and ready to rock. Steve was kind enough to stay up with the kids while I went back to bed. Steve usually falls asleep earlier than I do, while I stay up late working on my business and otherwise winding down. So, in this way we've managed to develop a lifestyle that keeps us from going completely insane with kids who get up long before we would like them to. It also pretty much keeps us from having any quality one on one (cough*phsycial) time together, unless we try really hard (which we do when we can).
We left for Atlanta at 10 AM, stopped for a quick fast food lunch and arrived at Dr. Dunbar's office just on time.
Dr. Dunbar greeted us personally in the waiting room. The first thing she told us was to just play with Jake in our normal way while she watched. Oh my, I feel the most inadequate when I try to play with Jake, I honestly just don't know how. Manny was making too much noise for her to hear Jake's voice, and, as usual with any appointment that is "for Jake" Manny gets the crap end of the stick because he can just be in the way. Steve took him out for a little while and Dr. Dunbar and I continued the assessment. Later on, I was able to put Manny in the SSC on my back and he hung out happily while Steve and I could both glean the benifits of the visit.
Dr. Dunbar gave us so much to think about. She showed us many ways to play with Jake that will eventually overcome his lack of engagement. She told us not to worry about his speech, as she feels that his speech is just fine and that his ability to label, his reading, writing, numbers, and other skills will always be there, and that we can always be proud of those. However we need focus on teaching him to engage others. He is only learning scripted language. The "real" language will come once he learns to engage a variety of people in a variety of situations.
There are 100 questions that I'd like to ask any expert with as much experience as Dr Dunbar for instance: will he ever potty train?, why is he pinching me?, what will he be like when he's older? Will he be able to live on his own without me? However, after we'd spent a lot of time playing and talking, Dr. Dunbar said "I have about 15-20 minutes, please tell me what you wish to accomplish with this visit and we will concentrate on that." We were made to realize that our very expensive therapy time was coming to an end. Lets cut to the chase.
I, as usual, choked back tears and asked "Please tell us how to play with our kid." I explained that I have been told that I must "engage" Jake for many many hours out of the day yet, I have no idea how to do that. Dr. Dunbar had already shown us examples of different approaches, and we were blown away. We were truly given some powerful tools today.
She went on to express (just like Cindy and other people who have worked with Jake have done) that we need to recruit other family members, friends, neighborhood teenagers, anybody on earth that can come and engage Jake besides us. She mentioned examples of funny and fun grandparents, cousins, uncles or other family members that might bring him special joy. I saw true dismay on Steve's face during this part of her assessment. Dr. Dunbar points out that, even though we do as much as we can, Jake must be exposed to different people in different situations on a ONE-ON-ONE basis. Something has to be done so that Jake has a variety of people in his everyday life. Not just his family here at home, and his teachers at school.
This evening I began putting out advertisements on craigslist and other forums for a part-time Nanny or babysitter. It would be worth the financial strain to get Jake the socialization that he needs. We are also hoping for Steve's parents to sell their house out-of-state and move here very soon. We have discussed our needs with Steve's mother and she seems to be on board to help us. Hopefully they can beat the market and sell their home. Jake seemed to benifit so much from her last visit. He truly has a connection with her even though she lives so far away.
All in all it was a wonderful day. After the visit with Dr. Dunbar we went to the Dekalb airport and watched the small planes take off and played on the playground. Everybody (including me) slept in the car while Steve drove back to Dalton. We went to the local sushi restaurant where both kids ate like crazy. Jake even uses his (kid adjusted) chopsticks like a pro and pigged out on seaweed salad, tempura shrimp and sweet potatoes. Both came home worn out and went to sleep.
We have a lot to think about. Steve seems to be absolutely thrilled with the knowledge that he gained today. I am equally thrilled to feel "on the same page" as my husband. I look forward to Jake's OT with Cindy as well as another visit with Dr. Dunbar in a few months.
P.S concerning Manny: Dr. Dunbar, though trying to "ignore" Manny because the session was "for Jake" kept using Manny's appropriate behavior as an example. That makes us feel very good about Manny's development. Between that and Manny's recent check-up with Dr. Michaels...I have decided not to worry so much about Manny's development as I have been (yeah right, easier blogged than done).
