Jake has been having some really good days the past few weeks. His speech has been improving, and we are seeing a lot of appropriate speech.. at least, until last Wednesday. On Tuesday Jake went to Mamaw's house (Mamaw is my grandmother and Jake's great-grandmother, she is 80 and very physically and mentally capable). He goes one day every week to Mamaw's house. Many weeks ago I noticed that Jake is especially wild and hard to deal with in the days following a trip to Mamaw's. I think that many parents would probably agree that their children are hard-to-deal-with after being spoiled for a whole day during a trip to grandma's. I chalked it up to that, and decided to pay a little more attention, and asked Steve to do the same.
As usual that evening, Jake was wacky when he returned home from Mamaw's. He wasn't hungry, after being stuffed full of country cooking and a bit of junk food, and cried pretty much constantly until bedtime. Not unusual. However, the next morning, Wednesday, things definitely weren't right. Jake refused to come out of his room all morning, and I had to dress him and change his diapers in his room. He barely ate breakfast, and went directly back to his room where he laid on his floor and stimmed in the quiet darkness. I didn't think too much about it, though, and around 10 AM we left for the post office and to meet friends at the park. He clicked his tongue and hissed loudly all the way to the park, and occasionally had outbursts in the car where he would yell nonsense then hit himself "whack whack whack!" on one cheek then the other with his open hands. I was perplexed and worried, but continued to the park.
Once we arrived at the park Jake ran straight for a street sign that is positioned at the entrance of the park, and wouldn't leave it. Occasionally, if I tried to coax him towards the playground, he would run to a post on the pavilion, neurotically slap the sides of it with his hands while banging his forehead, then run back to the sign. He ran this gauntlet several times and only stopped eat a little banana. My friends, both very pregnant with kids under 3, were having opposite troubles chasing their children all over the park, so I suggested that we reconvene at my house. Things didn't get much better then, as Jake was highly aggressive, throwing himself bodily all over the place, and basically acting like a feral child. He finally ran to his room, went to his tent, and refused to come out and would kick and scratch if I tried to touch him. I gave him some milk and turned on his Baby Signing Time and he fell asleep for over four hours. I realized, once he woke up in a similar mood as before, that he had not spoken a word all day.
I had called Steve during Jake's long nap. I was obviously distraught and felt something had gone horribly wrong. He urged me to call Mamaw and ask her what Jake had eaten that day. I called her and, hoping to benefit from being a bit dramatic said "Jake is having an allergic reaction. Can you please tell me everything he ate yesterday." She didn't buy it, and asked "What is he doing?" I tried very hard to glean information from her, but she wasn't cooperative. The only things that I suspected were ice cream bars filled with colors and additives, and a butter "replacement" that she uses in all of her food (what is southern cooking without lots of butter, and what's healthier than "fake" butter?) that contains TBHQ among other chemicals and preservatives. I had an empty tub from the butter substitute because she sent me home with leftovers in it. I was horrified at the ingredients. I suppose I may sound like someone overreacting, but it was so obvious that something was going VERY very wrong with Jake that day.
Mamaw was extremely combative and defensive when I tried to explain the food issue with her. She "shut down" and made me feel terrible. I was at a loss as to what to do and called my father. He promised to talk to her, and later did, with a lot more success than I had. I am still torn about sending him over and just wish that she would A)accept that Jake has issues and B) at least have an attitude that she is willing to try to understand and work through this with us. I have long been wary of food additives, long before Jake was born, but seeing my child in obvious pain and suffering due to "something" is enough to drive me insane.
Jake has since recovered to some extent, although I am still not seeing the language skills that he was showing a week ago. Is he simply regressing, and I am trying to grasp at straws and blame something or someone? He did so well at the festival, and we were so careful not to feed him anything icky, no matter how tempting it was to eat junk food while camping.
I guess I could be labeled as an overprotective mom, but honestly, I would give anything to be able to send Jake to preschool, or Mamaw's house and have him eat all the junk food in the world.. worry free.. while convincing myself that it was OK for him to just have it "sometimes." Could there have been a link to the food that he had at preschool, and the intense problems that he experienced there??
Meanwhile, I am anguishing over Jake's third birthday. I don't think that we can have a party. Jake has only a couple of friends who are capable of handling his aggressions. Alternately, we could have friends over and he would shut himself in his room. I probably won't try to have too many more playdates at my house, as I can't leave him unattended for more than a few seconds or he tends to "attack" other children. Going to the park is frustrating because he wants to move as far away from the play equipment as possible and hide behind a sign or worse, a vehicle. I did finally find a solution to going to the zoo or aquarium, and it seems to be to put him in a stroller, where he feels safe and less likely to break down. I can take him out of the stroller and let him walk, but he often begs to be put back in. At least using the stroller with Manny on my back in a carrier I can get us three out and in the world. I still get invites from the friends who aren't terrified to have Jake around their children, and it is totally unlike me, but my heart just sinks when I get them. I wonder if Jake will have a good or a bad day, or if I will end up trying to restrain him while he kicks and bites and pulls his own hair, or if he'll hide in the bamboo at the zoo while I wonder how the heck I'm going to get him out with a baby on my back.
Needless to say I'm having a bit of a hard time right now. I want to get Jake some help very soon, though just running the errands to get that done is a feat in itself. I'm struggling with feelings of guilt, both from feeling selfishly like I'm being isolated because of my child's behaviour, and from my oversensitive nature and actions these days. While shopping at my favorite grocery store I found myself in a conversation with the lady who stocks the health food about ice cream bars (I was looking for a substitute to send to Mamaws) and mentioned "Jake reacts to additives, he has a developmental disorder." She laughed heartily and said "OH, no he doesn't!" I wanted to punch her. I was right then so angry that I thought that I might actually commit an act of violence. I was glad that when I just turned and walked away, she didn't follow. I must get these feelings under control so that I can concentrate on helping my kid, and not on my own anger and frustration. I also feel like I'm not focusing enough on Manny. I spend more time watching him to make sure that he's "typical" than anything else.
All that aside, we've had a wonderful weekend and Mothers day. Jake seems to be speaking a bit more the past two days, and whatever it was that spawned his regressive behaviour seems to be "wearing off." We'll see what this next week brings.
