Wow, that was the most negative thing I've ever read in my life. Why doesn't someone reel me in when I'm going down the wellbutrin path.
Today I got up around 6:45, I sewed my heart out to get a few orders, gifts and whatnot finished while my kids ate their breakfast. I swear that both of my children are going through growth spurts. With Manny its great! Maybe he'll grow out of 12 months cloths by the time he is two. Jake.. gosh.. Jake can be so funny. "Want celery, want oatmeal, want soup, want mac 'n cheese, lets cook mac 'n cheese, make cook cookies??" You get the stream of consciousness version. With Manny you just get a fussy baby that is only satisfied by eating. I have to get them OUT of the house, but then I have to pack a picnic. I don't want to even think about my grocery bill in 10 years.
But I digress... after sewing and making four breakfasts, (two for each child) "the poodle guy" showed up with his five dogs about 15 minutes before Lacy showed up to help me with the kids (bless you Lacy.). It took me two and a few to groom the five dogs and I basically marathoned it.. refused to touch my phones or check my email (left the iphone upstairs) until it was done... at eleven something I came upstairs.. sat a few minutes and rested at the computer. Manny had fallen asleep and as usual I felt guilty that Lacy was the person to put him down and not me or his Dad. I love my kids and wish I didn't feel so pulled in so many other directions and away from them sometimes.
I quickly departed to my sewing room where I finished two backpacks, brought them out, lint rollered them, took some quick BAD pictures of them to apologize about later and sent Lacy home after basically ignoring her complaints that she was sick because I didn't know what else to do.
I made myself some microwave noodles and a sliced avocado and the second I sat down with it the doorbell rang.. OH yes.. another dog.. I forgot. I took in the puppy after way-too-long-for-my-schedule-but-great-for-my-self-esteem discussion with the owner, who I adore but she invades my personal space something HORRIBLE. But hey, I'm used to that, and it was inevitable since I was wearing a very very happy baby on my back. I went back upstairs and ate about 1/3 of my noodles before I realized that both boys were just going to eat them for me, so I microwaved another noodle bowl to split between the two boys. I was drinking my tea when Jake brought me another noodle bowl. "Hungry.. YES PLEASE" he exclaimed. I started to wonder if someone was playing an april fools joke on me. The time was 12:20PM
I tied Manny to my back and had Jake go down the stairs with me so that I could start the dog. I washed the little gal, got her nice and almost dry, and put her in the ambient dryer to dry. I carried Jake up the stairs because he was hoping for a longer stay downstairs where he knows he can stim to his hearts content because Mommy is working. I changed diapers, sat down to eat my cold noodles and realized that I only had 40 minutes to finish the dog before pickup (oh.. and I had forgotten about the noon dog so I had planned to get to the post office by 2 PM to mail an "urgent" package and meet a friend at the playground). Jake walked into the room and said "I pooped." I changed him. I can do a final clip on a dog in 15 minutes.. so I ate my freakin noodles.
Dogs finished, kids dressed, we head to the post office and the park. Jake is so happy that he's at the park he can't stand it. Then April and Nick show up and he's even more happy. Jake loves Nick. Then Jake falls into a 4 inch deep water/mud puddle. He simply stands up.. begins to flap his arms wildly and robotic ally say "oh i wet, oh i wet.. oh oh ... i fell...i fell i fell dah mud puttle." He never cried. April and Nick were nice enough to secure Manny while I went to find Jake some hilariously mis-matched, too-small, ugly and out-of-season clothing to wear from my car. We stayed for another hour, but I had to get home to walk and water and dismiss the five poodles.
Other things happened.. gosh.. somewhere in there there was a Popsicle drama, some fabric laundry issues, label printing, a poor sick husband coming home (who at this point probably thinks "Oh dear lord woman, please just stop thinking, and if you MUST think.. please stop letting the thinking leak out of your mouth-hole"), I got a pedicure, and then the kids went to bed. The rest is a blur... I'm embracing the blur.
I'm not going to go into the whole "its hard to be a WAHM" diatribe, but I can surely confirm the feelings of guilt that many WAHMs and SAHMs have. You simply wish that you could focus on SOMETHING and do it right rather than feel like you are a "decent" mother, a "decent" wife, a "decent" business owner (and for some of us, a decent advocate and social therapist). Most of us know that we are brilliant strong women with the potential to do something amazing. However when pulled in a hundred directions, our brilliance is dimmed and we just become "OK" at a hundred different things. It is frustrating, devastating and a challenge to be overcome. I still have moments where I say "I'm gonna kick this world's ass, no matter what it throws at me." I'm looking for my strength. I'll find it.
